Mount Moriah
“Then Abraham looked up and saw a ram caught by its horns in a thicket. So he took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering in place of his son. Abraham named the place Yahweh-Yireh (which means ‘the Lord will provide’). To this day, people still use that name as a proverb: ‘On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided.’
Then the angel of the Lord called again to Abraham from heaven. ‘This is what the Lord says: Because you have obeyed me and have not withheld even your son, your only son, I swear by my own name that I will certainly bless you. I will multiply your descendants beyond number, like the stars in the sky and the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will conquer the cities of their enemies. And through your descendants, all the nations of the earth will be blessed—all because you have obeyed me.’”
Genesis 22:13-18 (New Living Translation)
Have you ever been in a toxic work environment; a place you dreaded going to yet were financially tethered to? When you’re in a toxic work environment, it feels as though the world is microscopic. Conversations are nearly always about that aggravating boss and racist coworker. You can’t see past what was said at that last meeting. Your 5 PM-9 PM after your 9 AM-5 PM is spent lamenting over the latest staff departure.
I actually liked them.
This is the fourth farewell party in the last two months.
You’re scheduling 3+ happy hours a week with your favorite co-workers, turning restaurants into recovery units. However, reserve forces won’t be sent out in your place. You can pour your heart into glass after glass, replay failed interviews in your mind, or replace sleep with doomscrolling on Linkedin for as long as you want— you’re still due to be back on the battlefield in the morning, bright and early.
As you can probably tell, I’ve lived this. I know this experience better than I’d like to admit. In my case, there was an additional layer. What if the job you were suffering in was your door into the Promised Land? This job made my move to the DMV make sense. It paid for my living accommodations, it paid for my food, it paid for my transportation, it paid for my student loans, it paid for my basic needs, it paid for my comfort. My entire family was more than 200 miles away. The only support I could trust was in upstate New York. The decision to move already seemed rushed and miscalculated. Why was God giving me more reasons to believe I heard Him wrong? There’s no way He would bring me to “The Promised Land” to suffer in this way. The Promised Land should’ve been ready for my arrival. Instead, the land flowed with spoiled milk and degraded honey.
Think I’m being dramatic? Let me be more specific. When I started this job, I wasn’t given a supervisor so I was left at the disposal of the Executive Director. This Executive Director, though hiring me, clearly didn’t believe I was capable enough to do what was written in my job description because they would give me ridiculous, time-consuming, and power-tripping assignments. One morning, I was called into the office for an in-person assignment that would take the entire workday. That assignment happened to be moving items from one supply closet to another. Guess how long it took me to complete it.
One hour.
Staffers at the organization worked remotely since there was not yet a safe return-to-office policy in place. So…was I able to return home afterward? Absolutely not. To make matters worse, I was called in again a couple of weeks later. This time I was told to move those same items back to the original supply closet in order to make room in the other— which was empty a couple of weeks prior.
Still think I’m being dramatic? During my tenure in this position, I saw ten employees resign. Keep in mind, this was a small organization staffed by approximately 30 people. I also experienced racism so severe, I was led to file a discrimination complaint to the board of overseers. The board hired an outside firm to interview all the parties involved. While interviewing, we were shockingly introduced to an undercover Rachel Dolezal. The firm determined that regardless of whether it’s perceived race or actual race, this person’s “race” meant they could not be a racist. As a result, the entire investigation was shut down and I was consoled with a mere, “We appreciate your concerns.”
That deserves its own mic drop.
In October 2022, when matters became unbearable, I sought God. Despite being frustrated with Him, I knew He held my future. Despite the toxicity I was experiencing, I knew I wouldn’t even be where I was without Him. However, my pursuit felt fruitless. I would feel led to apply for a position, would make it through the interview, and still get rejected. Hiring committees would lavish me with compliments and I would leave their offices relishing in the favor of God. But shortly after, I would get an email or call stating the position would not be given to me. By December 2022, I had been on ten interviews and had applied for many, many, many more positions. These unsuccessful attempts at deliverance perverted my theology. I began putting words in God’s mouth.
This had to be a refining season. Maybe these closed doors are communicating that God wants me to remain in my suffering.
That potentially could be a lesson God’s teaching you. But I realized that I was over-spiritualizing my season using cute Christianese because I failed to see what God was actually doing. Deep down, I knew I was being led out of that place. I saw the cloud lift but I missed the direction in which it had moved. I needed to go back to His last instruction and figure out if I had been obedient then to understand what He was doing now.
As 2022 came to a close, I made a vow to God that I would surrender to His guidance. With consignment from the Holy Spirit, I made Proverbs 16:9 my verse of the year—
“Within your heart, you can make many plans for your future, but the Lord chooses the steps you take to get there.”
I promised God that I would relinquish all control— control over the job search but also over my understanding of this season. At the turn of the year, beginning January 1, 2023, I embarked on a 40-day fast. God had all of me and I was positioning myself to hear from Him.
On January 17, 2023, I was journaling ahead of another job interview. The Holy Spirit reminded me of Habbakuk 2:1-3—
“I will climb up to my watchtower and stand at my guardpost.
There I will wait to see what the Lord says and how he will answer my complaint.
Then the Lord said to me,
‘Write my answer plainly on tablets, so that a runner can carry the correct message to others. This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.’”
At the time, I was interviewing for a Pro Bono Coordinator position at a firm. This next interview was the last interview of the process. Though I had no experience in the role, the interviewers loved me enough to send me to the final round.
Something about this position felt right in a way I couldn’t explain. So, heeding the direction of Habbakuk, I wrote in my journal:
I put my weight on it, I will be the next Pro Bono Coordinator.
Long story short, the process ended with another rejection. I was heartbroken. I could’ve sworn I felt God on this. Nonetheless, I persisted; recalling the promise I made to God at the end of 2022. Though He didn’t give me an explanation for the closed door, He reassured me of His guidance.
On January 30, 2023, the Holy Spirit woke me up at 4 AM and led me to Ephesians 3. He specifically had me meditate on verse 20 (The Passion Translation)—
“Never doubt God’s mighty power to work in you and accomplish all this. He will achieve infinitely more than your greatest request, your most unbelievable dream, and exceed your wildest imagination! He will outdo them all for His miraculous power constantly energizes you.”
I then heard the voice of God speak:
“Do you trust Me?”
The question didn’t feel rhetorical so I answered:
“Yes.”
He asked again:
“Do you truly trust Me?”
I responded:
“I trust You, Abba.”
His words were:
“Let’s go.”
The conversation was heartwarming. But, as I do more often than not, I left confused. Where were we going? For us to go anywhere, a door had to be opened and He was the one closing all of them. Nevertheless, I wrote His words down.
By April 2023, I was interviewing for another position— DEI Coordinator. This was the first interview I had gone on since my last rejection. It felt special because it was a position at a global firm with thousands of applicants and I managed to become a finalist. The one other person I was competing against was an internal candidate. Their worldly advantage didn’t sway me. I prayed Heaven down. I wanted everything this position would give me— the salary, the office, the ability to travel, the kind coworkers. It felt like a dream. However, on April 22, 2023, I received a call saying they gave the position to the other candidate. This rejection also broke me. You would think I’d be accustomed to rejections by this point. But I cried the entire weekend. I didn’t blame God for my hurt. Instead, I brought my hurt to Him. I told Him I didn’t want to apply for another job unless it was the right one. I couldn’t bear this cycle anymore. So I continued to show up in that toxic work environment. I pressed on. I waited for God.
On April 27, 2023, something happened at work that completely crushed me. I was fed up. I broke down in my apartment. The tears wouldn’t stop and my breathing constricted. The only words I could mutter to God were, “Tell me what to do.”
The Holy Spirit spoke to me frankly:
“Quit.”
Quit my job? Without a backup? Do I need to remind You that I’m living in this area ALONE? How am I going to sustain life here without income?
My immediate response was fear. My flesh was terrified. Yet for some reason, my Spirit was at peace. I chose to lean into that peace. I contacted my accountability partners and spiritual mentors, letting them know what God had spoken to me. I expected some pushback but every last one of them encouraged obedience. It didn’t make sense but that’s God.
On April 28, 2023, I submitted my two-week notice. I made a personal decision to wait out the two week period before figuring out my next step.
God had other plans.
On the morning of May 10, 2023, t-minus 3 days to unemployment, I saw a Pro Bono Coordinator job posting. It had been up for months. Knowing what I now thoroughly knew about the hiring process, I assumed they were already beginning second-round interviews and had a stand-out candidate. Still, I felt a nudge from the Holy Spirit to apply. I obeyed but my faith was in my recent negative experiences. I told myself they were likely not checking for new applicants. To my surprise, I received an email from the Director later that day. She confirmed they’ve scheduled second-round interviews for the following week but would love to schedule me for a first-round interview if I were available the next day. Appreciative of the opportunity, I said yes. The next day came and during that interview, we scheduled a second round interview for the following day.
On May 13, 2023, I took a weekend trip to New York for Mother’s Day. I was intentional about being present with family, despite the looming reality of unemployment.
On May 15, 2023, day one of unemployment, I made it back to the DMV and told myself I would allow reality to sink in the next day.
God had other plans.
As soon as I got off my train, I received a call from that same Director offering me the position.
I was in complete shock. I secured a job in 3 days. I didn’t go a single full day unemployed. I was going to be a Pro Bono Coordinator, just like I wrote in my journal back in January.
“‘This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.’”
As I sat to write this testimony, I heard the Holy Spirit instruct me to title it, “Mount Moriah.”
Mount Moriah was where God sent Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac. Isaac was the son of promise. He was a son miraculously born of an elderly couple and would begin the legacy of Israel. God gave Isaac to Abraham yet was now commanding Abraham to use his own hands to take him away. Couldn’t God have taken Isaac Himself if He wanted him back that badly? Why even deliver the promise at all? Nonetheless, Abraham embarked on the 3-day journey, trekked up Mount Moriah with his most prized possession in tow, and prepared to sacrifice him to the Lord. While Isaac lay on the altar, staring into the dagger of a knife— held by his father and pointed at his chest, God provided an alternative sacrifice.
“‘You have not withheld from me even your son, your only son.’”
God swore by His name that Abraham would be blessed because of His faith.
God commanded Abraham to take his only son and “go,” to prove his faith. In the same way, God commanded me to “go,” to prove my faith. I didn’t know what it meant then and my response was not as quick as Abraham’s. I needed a bit more clarity. But eventually, I went. I quit. In my decision to do away with what was rational and trust God, He provided. On the third day, what would have been my first day “unemployed,” He sent a sacrificial ram— what I now refer to as the best job I’ve ever had.
The revelation Abraham received on Mount Moriah is the same revelation I received during this experience. We came to know God as Jehovah Jireh. This is the first and only time in the entire Bible where God is called by this name. It speaks to an intimate encounter with His provision. The difference in my story is that God ascended Mount Moriah alongside me. He said, “Let’s go,” speaking to His willingness to walk with me. I didn’t bear the weight of the wood or the sacrifice alone. Through Jesus, I have a proximity to God that allows me to have the same encounter and speak the same word— yet it be sweeter.
Jehovah Jireh. The God who provides.
On April 28, 2023, we ascended Mount Moriah. On May 15, 2023, there was a ram caught by its horns in the thicket.
