Ayekah
Lord of the Harvest x Lindy Cofer
“Then the Lord God called to the man, ‘Where are you?’”
Genesis 3:9 (New Living Translation)
“Gracefully Jenny” was planted in the secret place on May 29, 2020. It was birthed long before then through giftings, talents, and passions God gave me before I was even in my mother’s womb. But on May 29, 2020, God deemed it time to reveal the assignment and give the assignment a name. He supernaturally provided in the middle of a global pandemic, ensuring I had the resources necessary to create content at the standard of excellence He knew I had the capacity for. He gave me His heart for the audience I would reach which in turn would instill a genuine burden for the call. I appreciated His grace in doing so because the burden produced fruit. I grew in my love for writing and developed a servant’s heart. I showed up every day— faithfully seeking the God of infinite creativity for strategy, guidance, and direction. I was consistent, not only in what I produced but also in what I would plant. I spent more time in prayer and God’s word. My “yes” was quicker and my “no’s” were rare.
However, as time passed and life happened, the burden began to dissipate and the sacrifices of obedience seemed worthless. I was less consistent on the platform and in private. Love and excitement for the call turned into discontentment and resentment towards God. No one knew because I would hide in plain sight, maintaining an online presence while running from God as He searched for me. The posts would become fig leaves— what was once evidence of intimacy would become feigned protection from shame.
God returned to His garden, posing the question, “Where are you?”
Like Adam, I had excuses.
The relationship YOU put me in. The community YOU led me to. The University YOU told me to enroll in. The job YOU told me to take.
THEY gave ME the fruit of deception so I ate it.
I’m sure my audience posed the same question when I abandoned my platform in June of 2021 with no explanation. But unlike God, they had no context. God’s question was rhetorical. He would ask this question until January of 2024— until I finally decided to be obedient and relaunch this blog.
In the Hebrew translation of Genesis 3:9, God calls out, “Ayekah?” This is less of a demand for physical location and more of a demand for moral and spiritual location. God was looking for a response that would reveal the condition of Adam’s heart— a question soaked in grace from an all-knowing God who desired the willful confession of His creation. Adam was disobedient and God knew. But did Adam have a deep revelation of his disobedience that would lead him to repentance before the holiness of God? There had just been a separation but did Adam understand what he had lost?
In my disobedience, God’s first word to me was, “Ayekah?” But I used excuses to shield the truth. I had been deceived by the enemy into believing a version of God that didn’t align with the God I encountered. Eating the fruit began a separation that would impact my relationship with God for a solid two years. At the brink of full repair, I would hear Satan’s deceiving voice once again and fall back into his trap. After a while, it would happen so often that I stopped fighting it.
Why would God want a relationship with someone as fickle-minded as me anyway?
Did I even want to be in a relationship with a God who would let this serpent into an otherwise perfect garden?
Those are the questions I battled with until May of 2021. When I finally decided to burn away everything that hindered love and intimacy, God led me on a journey of restoration. In His mercy, He didn’t ask me to DO, He asked me to BE. I did nothing but exist as His daughter. I dwelled in the garden with Him, walking with Him in the cool of day. He gave me greater wisdom, greater understanding, and most importantly, greater love for Him. He then ordered a life shift, moving me from my hometown to what He called, “the land of promise.” During that period, specifically in June of 2022, God reminded me of Gracefully Jenny. I considered relaunching it but ultimately decided against it, given the busyness of the unanticipated transition. Because the move was in God’s will, everything aligned and came with unparalleled peace. However, I would still use the move as an excuse to dwell a bit longer without the responsibility of a calling. Once the dust of change settled, God sent people into my life who would consistently convict me for my disobedience regarding this call. What I came to realize was that there were still remnants of the fruit within me.
I don’t have what it takes to do it again.
I failed my audience and God once already.
Let it die, let it be buried.
Despite my disobedience in this area of my life, I would still witness the power of God in many other areas throughout 2023— testimonies I’m now excited to share. But God was not only using the miraculous to achieve the deliverance I was praying for. He was using the miraculous to prime my heart for His next, “Ayekah.”
Surely, on December 30, 2023, He called out once more:
“Ayekah?”
This time, I knew where I was concerning the Father. That knowledge gave me the desire to choose obedience. So this time, my response was less of Adam’s and more of Abraham’s— a pure and unguarded cry:
“Hineni!”
Yes, here I am! My Lord, I’m ready.
So here I am in 2024, nearly 4 years after Gracefully Jenny’s official launch, starting over again. Here I am, feasting from permissible fruit and experiencing the harvest of obedience.
If God was so adamant in His pursuit of this, there must be greater in store. At this moment in history, He’s longing for my voice to accomplish purposes beyond my understanding or perspective.
It’s by His grace alone that I’m able to carry the responsibility of tending to what He’s spoken and created. My prayer is that I’ll continue to operate within His boundaries and avoid the lure of the tree of good and evil— relying solely on His wisdom and His Word. I’ll work the fields as I was created to do, bringing to the Lord what He’s won. The same fig leaves I used for protection from shame will now serve as symbols of freedom, security, and blessing.
It’s truly an honor to partner with God and His kingdom in this way. May His glory and His alone shine brighter than ever.
